


I Will Never Be The Same

by CarryOnMySwanSong



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (smut is not graphic), Angst, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Sadness, Slight Canon Divergence, Smut, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 01:48:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16108256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarryOnMySwanSong/pseuds/CarryOnMySwanSong
Summary: Over the course of many years, Dean Winchester walks through the doors to the bar that she owns. Changing her life, just a little bit more, each time.As of 5/27/2019, this fic has been updated. I hope it reads a little better.





	I Will Never Be The Same

The first time Dean Winchester walks through the doors of her bar, he is still in his mid 20s. He orders the strongest whiskey she has and stays until closing. She wants to send him away to his own bed, but he seems like he needs to talk about something. So she offers her own couch. He walks her home. He bares his soul to her. Telling her how he just lost his brother because of a stupid mistake he made. How he is probably going to do something just as stupid, to try and fix it.

She doesn't know what that means but she listens while he talks long into the night, even after they both make it back to her house. She knows they aren't going to be sharing a bed or even the couch. She just holds him while he talks about his brother, and their life together.

When morning comes, eyes rimmed with red, and extra puffy, he apologizes for unloading on her and goes to leave. Before he can get out the door, she wraps her arms around him and holds him close. Much to her surprise, he holds her even tighter and cries into her shoulder. She has a feeling this is a man who doesn't show such emotion on a regular basis and is at his breaking point. It feels like he is a lost child, trying to find solace in his mother's arms, while she holds him.

He leaves soon after, after sharing breakfast with her. It will be several years before she sees him again.

* * *

 

The second time Dean Winchester walks through the doors of her bar, he looks scared. He goes right to the counter and orders a drink. Again, he stays until closing. Again, he walks her home. This time they shared a bed, and it is desperate and wanting. Like he is using his connection to her, to stay anchored to the world. She holds him while he moves above her, eyes never leaving each other, getting lost in whispering his name like a prayer on her lips. Her heart swells with a love she's never known before.

While they lay side by side, he speaks again of his brother and of choices he's going to have to make. One that will either destroy or save the world. He makes a sarcastic remark about being “bound for glory”. He never goes into detail, and she has a feeling there is so much more he wants to tell her, but either couldn't or wouldn't. She holds him while he sleeps.

Her heart breaks the next morning, when she wakes and the other side of her bed is ice cold. A single note with the words "Thank you" and "I'm sorry" rests in place of the man she has fallen for. Something in her tells her that this is the last time she'd see him. She cries into her pillow.

* * *

 

The third time Dean Winchester walks through the doors of her bar, many years have passed. She is really surprised to see him. He looks older. Like the weight of the world is riding on his shoulders. He looks angry and sullen. He has a strangely shaped scar on his forearm. He orders his usual. One she'd kept on site in case he come back. He avoids her the entire night and doesn't acknowledge her when she fills his glass. He stays until closing again. But instead of her bed he stumbles into, it is her waitress's. She goes home and cries over the man she has loved and lost.

The next morning, the waitress he went home with, quit and she never hears from the woman again.

* * *

 

The fourth time Dean Winchester walks through the doors of her bar, not much time has passed since the last time she saw him. Dean sits down at the bar in front of her and orders his drink. She smiles and pat his hand. He looks at her, regret in his eyes. When she turns and bends over to get the bottle she keeps on hand for him, her shirt lifts a little, revealing her lower back. She hear him gasp in surprise. A smile curls on her lips.

She turns back around to a dumb struck look crossing his face, eyebrow raised in question.

"I figured, once you had been on the news and became a wanted man, I'd look into you. I did some research on that tattoo on your chest and found out about the whole world you tried to keep me from. I ended up getting one of my own. Not long after your last visit, my bar was attacked and thanks to my research, loaded shotgun, and warding, my building still stands." She smile at him.

He stays until closing and watches as she turn all the lights off and sees all the glowing sigils that are only visible in the dark. Sad pride shines on his face.

He walks her home and they talk again. He apologizes for how he treated her the last time he was in her bar. He explains the Mark of Cain and why the waitress he went home with quit. The woman had been a demon and didn’t reveal herself to him until after they slept together. He had exercised her and the woman left behind went back home to where ever she had come from. He mentioned that because of The Mark, he'd spent a short time as a demon.

He catches her up on his life, revealing all the things he had kept from her. Even down to the first time he lost his brother and what had brought him to her bar that first time. He even reveals the reason behind the second time, explaining how he was suppose to be a vessel for an angel and how it all worked out, but that he had lost his brother yet again.

He told her of Sam coming back and regaining his soul. He told her of losing the only true father figure he had, and of his time in hell and in Purgatory.

He mentioned that while driving through the area, on every case he went on, all he wanted to do was to visit her bar and drink her whiskey, and walk home with her, which is why he is here, now. Her heart broke for him. His life has been so hard.

She tells him how she hunts, locally, on her days off. Nothing as fancy as his gig, but she gets the job done. It requires a lot more sneaking around, but she has saved a lot of lives over the last few years.

They share a bed again and reconnect on a level she didn't think possible. Hanging on to him, in quiet desperation, while his hips moved against her's in the most sinful of ways, her heart swells with love again. She cries silent, happy tears, as they both reach your peaks together, calling each other’s names.

As they lay side by side, catching their breaths, Dean turns to her and wraps his arms around her body. He pulls her close and his lips barely touch her ear. "Come with me, Sweetheart. Please," he all but begs.

She look him in the eyes and she just wants to scream ‘yes!’ at him. But she isn't so sure. So much pain in those beautiful green eyes. She isn’t sure what the future holds for the two of them.

"Please, Sweetheart. Life is so much easier when you are in it. I know I fucked up last time, but never again. Please," he pleads.

"What do you see when you look at me, Dean?" she asks, tears swimming in her eyes.

He sighs heavily and pulls her close again. "I don't know, but when I see you, my heart swells. I miss you when I leave. I want to be with you every second of every day, and I hope and pray every single hunt I go on brings me close enough to your bar to justify driving here."

"Can I sleep on it?" she asks him.

He sighs in relief. "Yeah, Sweetheart, you can sleep on it."

The next morning, his side of the bed is empty and cold. Her heart sinks, until she hears the familiar rumble of a car pulling up outside her house. She peeks out the window and Dean is walking up her pathway with coffee and a bag of food in his hands. He taps the door with his foot.

She rushes to open it for him and throws her arms around his neck. "Yes," is all she says.

He all but drops the things he'd been holding, in his rush to hug her back.

"Oh thank goodness." he says.

* * *

She stays in her home for two weeks, before she is totally packed up and ready to leave. In that time, Dean rents a U-HAUL and picks up Sam so he can drive it. She fills it with all of the things she will need... Leaving behind almost all the furniture. She splits her business with your most loyal employee, making the manager a partner. She hastily lists her house with a real estate company, so it can be rented out.

On the last day, she takes one last walk through of her bar and of her home and then she climbs into the passenger seat of the Impala. She sighs as she takes one last look in the side view mirror, at her house, and then at Sam sitting behind them in the driveway, as Dean pulls away from her house. They both have big smiles on their faces as he drives her to her new home and her new life, and she knows that she will never be the same.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is the life's blood that keeps me going!
> 
> * * *
> 
> Song inspiration: 
> 
> _I Will Never Be The Same_ , by Melissa Etheridge
> 
> So you walked with me for a while  
> Bared your naked soul  
> And you told me of your plan  
> How you would never let them know
> 
> In the morning of the night  
> You cried a long lost child  
> And I tried oh I tried to hold you  
> But you were young  
> And you were wild
> 
> (chorus)  
> But I, I will never be the same  
> Oh, I, I will never be the same  
> Caught in your eyes  
> Lost in your name  
> I will never be the same
> 
> Secrets of your life  
> I never wanted for myself  
> But you guarded them like a lie  
> Placed upon the highest shelf
> 
> In the morning of the night  
> When I woke to find you gone  
> I knew your distant devil  
> Must be draggin' you along
> 
> (repeat chorus)
> 
> And you swore that you were bound for glory  
> And for wanting you had no shame  
> But I loved you  
> And then I lost you  
> And I will never be the same
> 
> Songwriters: Melissa Etheridge  
>  _I Will Never Be The Same_ lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG Rights Management


End file.
